The most significant changes in my life took place between 1979 and 1985. In 1979, I committed my life fully to God, embracing His will and purpose. This did not mean that I had not been a Christian since 1957, but rather that I had become sincere, dedicated, and filled with His Spirit.
Over the next five years, I went through a wilderness experience that proved to be an important season of learning and growth. During this time, I received the anointing to write my story and message in poetic form. I came to think of this writing as the diary of my life, running parallel to my secular responsibilities.
I was also selected to teach Sunday School for a class of teenagers and young adults. At the same time, I became self-employed, working sixty to eighty hours a week while trying to balance the responsibilities of work, church, and family. The stress was significant, but being young—and supported by a loving wife and a loving God—I continued to move forward.
In June of 1984, I wrote this poem during a season when I was learning just how deep the roots of self and personal will can run in the human heart. Though I had committed my life to God, I discovered that surrender is not a single moment but a lifelong process. The restlessness portrayed in these lines reflects the struggle between the desire for God’s peace and the pull of old habits, fears, and inner demands. It is an expression of the emotions and impulses that rise and fall unpredictably, making life feel unstable.
In many ways, the search for rest begins when we finally acknowledge that we cannot produce peace on our own. It describes a classic spiritual crisis—the moment where the soul must die to self to experience deeper rest in God. This poem marked an early step in that realization for me, and I hope it offers encouragement to anyone who finds themselves on a similar journey— still seeking, still growing, and still learning to rest in Him.
“A Restless Heart”
From out of time – here comes a crying
Unhappy soul filled with confusion;
A groping thrust of vain allusion
Will force a search which stays undying.
A restless heart, the flirt of rages,
Makes all my life a sporting action,
Filled with a grip of sharp distraction,
Reflecting times of other ages.
These restless ones, they flit and scurry
As hummingbirds among the flowers;
They dance and dart away their hours,
Distracting others with their flurry.
Uneasy mind, a soul that’s shifting,
Will search to find a peace unending,
But like a reed that’s bruised and bending,
It’s loosed from bonds and soon set drifting.
Oh restless soul, why are you striving,
And why are you so full of changes?
Your varied path so widely ranges,
But self and will are still surviving.
Rodney Roberts